Thursday, October 27, 2011

Pandaria awaits!

Hail and well met, gentle readers.
Our RL Avatars are all abuzz with the latest news - when the next Expansion Pack event comes along, we in Azeroth will be discovering Pandaria!

Well, not 'discovering', exactly.  The pandaren already live there and we know the place exists - after all, Chen Stormstout was a significant figure about ten years ago, some of us Hordies stumbled across his Lost Keg in the Barrens (except the Cataclysm seems to have swallowed it) and Chen has also mailed some of his monastic disciples around, to select adventurers.

Incidentally, I am always amazed by our Azerothian mail services.  Not only does the mail get delivered almost instantly, and not only can you access it from any mailbox you see, all sorts of incredibly bulky and alive things get mailed around all the time.  Such as small pandaren monastic disciples.  While I might be an illustrious grand master engineer, not even I know how it works.  Some sort of extremely advanced portal magic, combined with a level of engineering I don't comprehend yet, I presume.

But anyway, I digress.  We know Pandaria must exist - we've just never got around to finding it.  There's been far too many things to deal with.  Similarly, the pandaren themselves must have too many things of their own to deal with to come and find us, because we've seen almost none of them.  Except for Chen, of course.

Well I for one can't wait.  Finally, after all the warfare and dealing with big bads, we'll get to go exploring, on an amazing adventure of discovery!  Not to mention, I can't wait to see the Pandaren at Brewfest.  Apparently they have an amazing brewing tradition.

I just hope there aren't any further cataclysmic changes to my abilities and how I do things.  I still haven't got used to what happened to all my abilities the last time, around the time of the Shattering.

Icky undead bugs

I be in me 83rd season of adventure, but I not even be done with Northrend yet!  I's still be participating in dat Tournament.  Da Lich King, he might be dead and buried, but de Tourney is still goin'.  It be a fun way to unwind.

Northrend be mostly behind me now, which be right good coz I hopes never to see another icky undead bug again.  Undead be bad, bugs also be bad, and icky undead bugs?  Dey be just about de worst ting I can imagine.

It's been a while

Hail and well met, gentle readers.

So where have I been, and why haven't I posted much?  There's been a lack of interesting things to mention.

Though I guess there was that time when the Zandalari tribe of trolls, former allies, suddenly decided to unite all trolls in a bid to overthrow everybody else in the world.  They incited the Gurubashi and Amani, and a whole lot of people had to go into Zul'Gurub and Zul'Aman and show them whatfor.

But not me.  The Darkspear trolls at the entrance took one look at me and my armor and told me I'd just get splatted if I tried to join in.

Then there were the druids of Hyjal taking the fight to Ragnaros in the Firelands... and the shocking and extremely thoroughly demoralising sight of a night elf going bugnuts insane (how surprising) and almost killing Hamuul Runetotem.  While I was watching and powerless to do anything.  I must say, I was glad when we finally went up against that elf and showed her whatfor.  I was quite uncharacteristically glad to see her die.

Sure, her life hadn't exactly been sunshine and roses, but if an escaped refugee, well known for being completely bugnuts insane, suddenly shows up looking all firey and demonic and talking about serving a higher power, couldn't she have been a little more suspicious?

I haven't done much since.  They need help almost constantly in the Firelands so sometimes I go along.  With Leyara finished, I can't get all that fired up about it, though.

In other news, another Brewfest has come and gone.  I'd tell you more about it but most of it was a drunken blur.  I realised a bit later on that I now have a small pony as a pet.  She carries some magically refilling beer kegs on her back.  I'm not quite sure how or when I acquired her - I only hope she was legally obtained - but I thoroughly approve of my drunken actions.

In this case.

Oh, and Annekah has reached her 83rd season of adventure.  Which meant going to Northrend.  And seeing "icky undead bugs."  The less said about that, the better,

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Vashj'ir was a dreary place. Don't go there.

Alright, I must admit all the underwater scenery, now that I think about it, was absolutely gorgeous. Though most of the time I didn't pay attention to the scenery because I was too busy fighting naga and otherwise trying to help the survivors get out of the place.

Then things took a turn for the worse when eldritch abominations started showing up.

Then they took even more of a turn for the worse when I put a dead deep sea demon on my head. (After all, it was dead, right? What harm could it do?) Turns out it wasn't quite dead yet.

I have no pictures of that occasion because I was rather more concerned with getting the thing off my head, but it was certainly memorable!  For all the wrong reasons.

Later on I was asked to put another deep sea demon on my head as a disguise. I made absolutely sure it was dead first.
In my normal form, with my horns poking through its tentacles.

In sea lion form.  It looks like some sort of demented diving helmet.

In cat form, with my horns outside the tentacles this time.  Worked a lot better.
You will notice no pictures of me in bear form with that thing on my head.  I tried bear form but that thing was much too tight.  Besides, I don't really do bear form these days, unless I absolutely need it.  It doesn't really feel like I'm a kung-fu bear anymore.

I'm almost done with Vashj'ir.  Everyone that was stranded there has been rescued, except for one, a quite insane human down there, called Budd.  I think I accidentally stole his barrel of gunpowder.  (I needed it to start a fire, it was just there, and he was nowhere in sight.)  He didn't realise it had been stolen and asked me ages ago if I knew what had happened to it.  I think I might have to go back down to Vashj'ir and see what I can do for him.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Except things didn't change

Garrosh Hellscream, he not quite tha hotheaded warmongering dimwit that you be thinkin' he is on first, second, and third glances. Every now and den, he goes and does somethin' that be so spectacularly out of character you hafta think there's more to the bugger than bein' a hotheaded warmongering dimwit.

Take de other day. I'd been in de Stonetalon Mountains. De Cenarion Circle, dey was tellin' me bad mojo were happenin' over there, and to join up wit' de Horde in de Stonetalon Mountains and find out what was goin' on.

A whole lotta stuff happened, but basically Overlord Krom'gar and his General Grebo acted exactly like I expectin' orcs to act. Dey was mean and nasty, killin' innocent young hapless druids and fabricatin' evidence and blowin' up a centuries-old grove, all while yellin' their favourite battlecry, "FOR THE HORDE!" All to take de Stonetalon Mountains for da Horde, right?

Well. Right at de end of it all, tings, dey were really bad. Krom'gar's forces had destroyed a tauren settlement for darin' to disagree wit' their actions. Den Garrosh went and showed up.

To say I was scared when I saw him was a huge understatement. I was all expectin' him to be cuttin' me hands off, den tossin' me and the tauren chieftan off tha cliffs, and wonderin' if throwin' meself off da cliffs would save time or would be considered treason in his eyes. Den he surprised every one of us by tossin' Overlord Krom'gar off de cliff.

For a second, he looked like he was goin' to chop me hands off and throw me off de cliff too, 'xcept the tauren chieftan spoke up for me. Said I'd been tryin' to prevent the needless killin'. I wasn't to be sure if dis was makin' things better or worse, but Garrosh actually let me live. "This is what it means to be Horde!" he proclaimed.

So I gotta say that Garrosh be not quite the hotheaded idiot he seems to be.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Hail and well met.

And perhaps farewell as well. There may not be any more posts from me and Annekah. I've grumbled about the Horde before, but always managed to keep on going because of my loyalty to Thrall and the promise of his Horde.

This new Horde of Garrosh's? It's full of bellicose warring and hotheaded aggressiveness, which appeals to the orcs more than Thrall's Horde ever did. It cuts your hands off for daring to disagree. It absolutely ruins Azshara. It is nothing like the Horde that Annekah swore an oath to and we've had enough.

De day it all changed

So's dere I was, headin' out Orgrimmar's back entrance to Azshara. Dere was dat goblin what had had me commandeerin' shredders to cut down trees and suchlike a week ago. Dere was dat orc watchin' over him -

De orc moved faster dan I could follow, whuppin' me in de gut and de chin wit' de pommel of his axe, and knockin' me down to de ground like I were a sack of raptor eggs.

"YOU USELESS WASTE OF FLESH!" he roared in me face. "THIS IS TWICE NOW! First you abandoned your missions here and buggered off to the Barrens! Then you abandoned your missions in Ashenvale and buggered off to who-knows-where! And finally, you think you can just come back here and all's good?"

"Er -" I started, starting to feel real scared-like.

"'All able-bodied members of the Horde are ordered by their Warchief to aid the Horde in Azshara!' Well you didn't! You didn't lend a helping hand at all! I AM NOW GOING TO TAKE THEM BY FORCE!"

Den he gave me a right good kick in me face, stunnin' me senseless, and den he chopped me hands off. I screamed a lot and den quickly died.

I nots be used to dyin' yet, I mus' say. Dere be all dese famous people in de world what died and not come back. Sen'Jin and Cairne Bloodhoof amongst them. It always be really weird to find meself as a ghost in de washed out grey of de spirit world.

At least, as a ghost, I had me hands back.

I ran off to get me body, as you do when you're dead, and found it still by de back gate of Orgrimmar. Standin' a bit aways, hopin' to run away if I needed to, I resurrected.

Damn but dat orc was quick. Before I knew what was happenin' he'd whupped me with his axe handle again and knocked me to the ground.

"This is for the second time you abandoned your post!" he screamed, and chopped me hands off again.

Once again, I screamed a lot and den died.

Very nervously, I approached the back gate of Orgrimmar as a ghost for the second time, hoping that perhaps this time the orc would at least leave me alone. What he'd been sayin' suggested he'd leave me alone, after all, it only been twice I'd abandoned a mission and buggered off.

I resurrected, tensed up, but dis time he weren't smackin' me around.

"You were to be cutting down trees and flushing out night elves, and killing them! You will now resume that mission!" He brandished his axe. "Otherwise every single guard will be ordered to cut your hands off every time they see you!" He pointed to the now-extremely sparse forest. "NOW GET TO IT SOLDIER!"

I tried, I really did. I went and gone commandeered a shredder, and cut down trees, and felt terrible. I applied the shredder's sawblades to the elves that dropped out of the trees. It was the killin' of elves. It was supposed to be happy. I was just feelin' sick. They didn't look much like anythin' after the shredder had done 'em in.

More elves attacked de back gate. Dey was suicidal, and no match at all for de gate guards. De guards called me in to help anyway. I pushed the shredder to its utmost, pilotin' it to de back gate as quick as it could be walkin'. Dere was more elf carnage.

Den dere was even more dey wantin' me ta do.

"There's an Ancient directing the elves. Go kill him for us."

"An ancient? A spirit of de forest, and you want *me*, a *druid* to go kill an Ancient-"

De orc pulled me from de shredder, whupped me wit' his axe handle, and knocked me flat to da ground. He lowered his face to an inch from me ear and screamed into it at full volume. "YES! WE DO WANT YOU, A DRUID, TO GO KILL A SPIRIT OF THE FOREST! OTHERWISE THE HORDE WILL BE OVERRUN! NOW GET TO IT, SOLDIER!"

Den he plopped me back into de shredder.

Shakin', and in stunned silence, I piloted the shredder westwards to find dis Ancient. I hardly had to search, he were huge and glarin' at me.

"Pathetic troll in your machine!" he roared. "I will exterminate you, like the weeds you Horde all are!"

I hopped out of da shredder. Dis were a really stupid move, as he instantly saw I were a druid and got even angrier.

"It's one of you TROLL DRUIDS!" he roared. "You traitorous barbarian savages! I'll rip you limb from limb!" And he charged.

Well, dere weren't much for it after dat but to fight. For all his size, goin' kung-fu bear on him (as much as I could be doin', anyway) helped me survive and defeat de Ancient.

Shakin', in nervousness and in anger, I ran back to de back gate.

"Good!" de orc said. "You killed him, for the Horde!"

"For the Horde!" the goblin echoed. "Yo, Annekah, I got another mission for you. There are still too many trees-"

I snapped. Knowin' I was doomin' myself, I shouted at him. "Dis were a great forest! Dere was a thrivin' ecosystem! Now you filthy gobbos and your bombs have gone an'-"

De orc whupped me again wit' his axe handle and down I went.

"Troll scum!" he roared, and raised his axe.

"Excuse me, I'm lost again, and- oh my goodness! What's going on here?"

"Donda!" I cried out.

"This able-bodied troll scum refuses to lend her helping hands to the Horde! We shall take her hands by force!"

"Uh-huh," said Donda, nodding. Then he was a whirl of motion, there were some THWACK noises, and de was orc laid out flat, Donda's staff pinning him to the ground.

"You can tell Warchief Kodo-Guano-For-Brains that he's got kodo guano for brains," Donda said cheerfully.

"Traitor!" screamed the orc. "Get him!"

Donda, he be flickin' his fingers, and callin' down Moonfires, missin' de guards by inches. Dey reconsidered, and slunk backwards.

"Good guards," said Donda. "Now, I'd really rather prefer nobody to be dying here, or chopping each other's hands off." He shook his head. "When Thrall was in charge, something like this would never have happened."

"Thrall was a weak-minded fool, with stupid human ideas!" roared de orc.

Donda pushed his staff hard an' de orc gurgled in pain. De guards advanced but some more Moonfires kept 'em at bay.

"Oh dear," Donda said, and shook his head. "Now, you listen to me. Actually, you all listen to me. Annekah and I owe a great deal - our very lives - to former Warchief Thrall. When we swore our oaths of service to the Horde, it was to Thrall, and we were glad to give our lives for him. I particularly liked his ideas about peaceful coexistence with the land. I thought that yes, these orcs were worthy allies.

"Garrosh Hellscream, on the other hand, has kodo guano for brains and is leading the Horde down a dark road you orcs have been down too many times before. Worse yet, it's clear that most orcs actually prefer him to Thrall. Well, he's no warchief of mine. Annekah?"

By dis time I were back up on me feet. "He be no Warchief of mine, nor of Vol'Jin's, either!"

"Very good. Though of course, Annekah, we've pretty much just quit from the Horde, with all these guards watching. You ready to run?"

And den we be runnin', and hidin'. Bein' druids, we good at dat. What better way to run fast, dan to change into a cheetah? What better way to hide, dan to change into a great cat and slink through de tall grass?

'xcept now Donda and I, we be pretty much out of da Horde. Whoops. Vol'Jin, he were sayin' dis is de exact wrong ting to do.

Donda looked around at da devasation of Azshara. "Deathwing bursts free, causing earthquakes and floods, and the world's gone mad. The Horde allies with goblins, and the next thing you know, they bomb Azshara so that it looks like the Horde symbol. Just look at the ruin of this place. Just listen to the spirits of nature crying out. Or, in your teachings, the loa of this place."

Dey were cryin' out, dat for sure.

"What be happenin' now?" I asked.

"Dunno," he said. "We could try joining the Cenarion Circle."

"De Cenarion Circle? Wit' all dem elves?"

"Annekah, the Horde *and* the Alliance are going to attack us on sight. You don't have that many options at this point. Yes, I know trolls don't think much of the elves, and they won't like you very much either, but at least they won't be cutting your hands off for standing up for yourself and for nature."

Dat was da day it all changed.